Marriage Myths and Realities

A lot of people not having the right understanding of what marriage is supposed to be, end up with a lot of misconception about it. Belief in any of these myths surrounding marriage can give you an unrealistic expectations towards the relationship and disappointment is bound to set in when this happens. The truth is, there are no fairy tale marriages where you have the happily-ever-after endings. Successful marriages are  a product of hardwork.

Here are some of these common myths on marriage and the realities of the situation.

Myth No. 1: Marriage will end my loneliness

Reality: Many married people are still lonely infact some of them suffer from chronic loneliness. God did not design man to be complete in another man or himself but it is only in Christ that we (human beings) are complete! There is a difference between being lonely and being alone. Marriage solves the issue of being alone i.e. having a companion but there is a void in every man which nothing else can fill except God and the feeling of loneliness happens when this link between man and God is not intact.

Colosians 2:9-10(KJV): “For in him (Christ)dwelleth all the fulness of the God-head bodily. And you are complete in him, which is the head of all principality and power”

In other words, no man not even your spouse can take away the feeling of loneliness from you because they cannot take the place of God in your life. All you need to do is to accept Jesus as your Lord and Saviour and He will abide with you forever.

Myth No. 2: Marriage is a rite that everyone must perform

Reality: The truth is that marriage is only for those who have decided and are ready to make a commitment to and take responsibility for one another. For example, marriage is not for babies, but for the mature. Marriage is not for people who have not mastered self-control, neither is it for those who have no staying power to see a matter through to the end.

Myth No. 3: Infidelity only happen to bad or weak people

Reality: Infidelity can happen to any couple and you can only guard against it by putting some boundaries in place and staying diligent in the place of prayer. Anybody can be tempted especially when they are not observing the checks God have put in place to avoid such pitfalls. E.g. a couple that deny each other sexual intimacy for a long time due to quarel.

I Corinthians 7:3-5 “Let the husband render to the wife due benevolence: and likewise also the wife unto the husband. The wife hath not power over her own body but the husband: and likewise also the husband hath no power of his body, but the wife. Defraud ye not one another, except it be with consent for a time, that ye may give yourselves to fasting and prayer and come together again that Satan tempt you not for your incontinency. ”

Myth No. 4: Marriage gives happiness to those involved

Reality: This is only true to an extent. A good marriage can complement your own individual happiness but it cannot be the primary source of it. It is said that happiness is of the soul but joy is of the spirit. Happiness is a function of the circumstance around you, thus when things are going well with you, you are happy and when it is otherwise, you are sad. Joy on the other hand is a friut of the Holy Spirit and it remains with you irrespective of your circumstances. 1 Peter 1:8 refers to it as joy unspeakable and full of glory. Those who enter marriage because they are unhappy and are looking for happiness are often disappointed and could end up with a worse situation than they had prior to marriage.

If you desire perpetual joy, then the place to look for it is in Christ through the ministry of the Holy Spirit.

Myth No. 5: Your Marriage will not have problem as long as you are in love with each other

Reality: This seems to be the greatest myth about marriage and many young folks have fallen prey to its lie. Love, the way you understand it is never enough just as faith without works is dead. A good marriage does not just happen; it takes nurturing, commitment and hard work to succeed. You have to give what it takes to make marriage work; the patience, longsuffering, respect, love, endurance, selflessness etc. Remember, love that is not nurtured will grow cold and eventually die a permanent death. This is why you find couples who enter marriage with much love ending up with so much hatred towards one another a few years down the line beacuse love alone is never enough.

Myth No. 6: Conflict reflects a loveless marriage

Reality: Conflict is a part of life. And it happens in every marriage because two people no matter how madly in love they are with each other will always have occasion to see things from different pespective. This does not infer that they do not love each other neither does it always have to lead to a quarrel. In as much as marriage is about two people becoming one, it allows for a person’s individual personality to be expressed and is no reason for us to suppress our feelings and be lost in someone else’s view all the time.

Myth No. 7: After some time, I will get bored  with my spouse

Reality: This is one of the lies the devil has used to keep some people bound to infidelity. He keeps suggesting to them that sticking to their spouse is like eating the same meal every day without changing diets or having variety. The truth is that no matter how much fun you think it will be to experiment outside your marriage, the after effects are usually not worth it. Hear what the scripture says about it: Proverbs 20:17 – “Bread of deceit is sweet to a man but afterwards his mouth shall be filled with gravel.” Proverbs 6:32-33 – “But whoso committeth adultery with a woman lacketh understanding: he that doeth it destroyeth his own soul. A wound and dishonour shall he get; and his reproach shall not be wiped away”.

Your spouse is your inheritance and if you approach your marital vows with the right attitude, you will find that your spouse looks ever new to you and as you walk through the different seasons of your marital life, you will experience newness, new achievements, new challenges etc and each season has its joys and challenges and its likely to be fun and a good ride all the way.

Myth No. 8: Marriage will take away from me my individual needs, desires and interests

Reality: Although people who make poor choices sometimes find themselves in this type of situation, it is not always the case and ideally, should not be. In marriage, you are supposed to maintain your unique personality and complement your spouse with it. The same thing goes for interests as well as your vision. In an ideal situation, your partner should encourage your intetrests as long as they are not detrimental to your spiritual, emotional or physical well-being. You do not hav eto give up your individuality since it is most likely to be what attracted your spouse to you in the first place.