Stopping the EPIDERMIC called Adultery

1. Set Standards before you are confronted with the Temptation: I always advise couples to talk about this together. Don't think that it can never happen to you or that your spouse is a super man. "1 Corinthians 10:12(KJV) -Wherefore let him that thinketh he standeth take heed lest he fall." Set clear standards together as a couple and also as an individual. Adultery is first a sin against God before it is an act of unfaithfulness to your spouse therefore even though your spouse will hurt when u fall into it, you are responsible for your own sins. Make a decision on how far your relationship with the opposite sex can go and how far it cannot go. Make sure you define every relationship you have with the opposite sex so that even the other person understands what the two of you are doing.
2. Practice regular "Flee": Avoid every situation that will make you prone to committing adultery either consciously or unconsciously. Running off to an opposite sex each time you have a quarrel with your spouse, staying late night alone with an opposite sex etc. As a married woman, be careful how you take compliments from a man especially when you are not getting enough from your spouse. Just like Joseph did not allow himself to be caught up with his master's wife. He FLED not because he was weak but because he understood that sin is not to be toyed with. "Proverbs 6:27-29(KJV) - Can a man take fire in his bosom, and his clothes not be burned? Can one go upon hot coals, and his feet not be burned? So he that goeth in to his neighbour's wife; whosoever toucheth her shall not be innocent."
3. Be Open and accountable to your spouse: Don't keep it to your self when you notice strange behaviours or unnecessary attentions from an opposite sex. When someone makes advances at you, don't feel like you can ward them off on your own. Let your spouse know the details of what you are doing with him or her. This will help keep you in check and trust me, it enhances your intimacy with your spouse. One of the reasons you have a partner is so that you don't have to fight battles alone. "Eccl.4:12(NIV) - Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken."
4. Be ruthless with temptation: To flirt or condone flirtation is a risky behaviour because I have come to understand that no one is beyond being tempted. There might be cases where you will have to be harsh or even resort to violence in other to loose your self from the cobweb of adultery. Fight it out if need be and shun all manner of flirtations around you. Let your friends and acquaintances know that you have limits and rules even when you are playing.
5. Guard Your Heart: Make a firm decision that you will never succumb to adultery. It all begins with the heart where the decision is made and then it manifests in the actions. Be careful what thoughts you entertain, what you read is very important too and what you listen to. What kind of friends do you keep? Do you keep friends whose values are direct opposite  of yours? "Prov. 4:23 - Keep thy heart with all diligence; for out of it are the issues of life." 

Strive to be Vulnerable

Intimacy and vulnerability are directly connected. If you want intimacy, then you'll need to take the risk of admitting that you're lonely, embarrassed or hurt. This is not the same as weakness; it actually requires great strength.

When you're vulnerable you don't care about being right, you're just open and trusting enough to say "I miss you" instead of "you never spend time with me." It means you simply say, "ouch!" when he's insensitive instead of retaliating. That vulnerability completely changes the way he responds to you.
Vulnerability is not only attractive, it's the only way to get to that incredible feeling of being loved just the way you are by someone who knows you well. There's nothing like the joy of intimacy that results from vulnerability. It really is worth dropping the burden of being an efficient, overscheduled superwoman to have it.

If your mother didn't teach you this skill, maybe she didn't know it, but that doesn't mean you're doomed to have the same outcome in your relationship. An intimate, passionate, peaceful relationship is not a matter of luck-it's a matter of skill and good habits, just like maintaining those pearly whites.

- Laura Doyle-

Respect The Man You Chose

Being respectful will resurrect the man you fell in love with. You're too smart to have married a dumb guy, so if he seems dumb now, it's because you're focused on his shortcomings. It's not that you made a mistake in marrying him, it's that you've been focused on his mistakes since you married him. A man who feels respected by the woman who knows him best also feels self-respect, which is far more attractive than cowering and hostility.
Lack of respect causes more divorces than cheating does because for men, respect is like oxygen. They need it more than sex. Respect means that you don't dismiss, criticize, contradict or try to teach him anything. Of course he won't do things the same way you do; for that, you could have just married yourself. But with your respect, he will once again do the things that amazed and delighted you to begin with -- so much so that you married him.

Here is what I am currently working on: "NOT TO EVER DISAGREE WITH HIM IN FRONT OF OTHERS."
This is my personal decision and I am working so hard to imbibe it even down to my subconscious state. That no matter how different his opinion on a subject is, I'll never voice my disagreement in front of his friends, family, the kids etc. we can always have our own little talk when we are alone and that is of course if the subject is important. Seriously, I think I am enjoying it cos when i finally raise the matter in privacy, he is always keen to reason with me.

Finding the "SWEET" spot in your marriage

Sure every great marriage is built out of several different components: good communication, shared interests, a healthy sex life and several other types of compatibility. But sincerely, there are no couple who are doing great in every area all the time. Instead of spending all your time fretting over the things that need work, give yourself—and your husband—a break every now and then and celebrate the areas you get right! 

So here's the assignment, find out your peculiar "sweet spot" in your marriage.

You could take a clue from these points and build your own list.

1. Parenting. A lot of women struggle to feel emotionally close to their husband but the truth is if you already have children, parenting is something you will always do together. Personally, when ever conversations turned to his relationship with our two girls, I can't but praised him. “Parenting is what we do best together. We have similar perspective on what the girls need, we are in step with one another on how to get there, and that part of life just comes very naturally for us.” For me, our parenting roles are one of the places where we are in total harmony—and that’s no small feat.

2. Friendship. Your husband may not be the type of person who wants to spend hours talking about his feelings like most men, but he enjoys spending time with you.  It may be watching movies together or just lying next to each other, you really are each other’s most trusted friend and you can do everything possible to just stay close to him whenever he is around. Get the chores quickly rounded off, cancel some appointments, send the kids to bed or keep them busy with kids TV programs. It works like magic how this simple act of staying around each other can build your friendship. Friendship may be the glue that keeps you feeling close. If you have that type of friendship with your husband, it can make up for a lot of other things your marriage may lack.

3. Finances. For a lot of couples, this is one of the single greatest sources of stress. So if you find that you and your husband are able to work together well to manage your money and work toward your financial goals—pat yourself on the back. It’s a major feather in your relationship cap if you can stay on the same team where your money is concerned, and can save your family from the negative consequences of a lack of discipline in this area.

4. Faith. This one is a biggie. I call it the "control button". No matter what questions arise in the course of your marriage, they can be answered—or at least survived—if you share a strong common spiritual foundation. A shared relationship with God brings couples closer and enhances every other aspect of marriage. Even if you quibble about some of the details of life (like why dirty socks would ever be on the floor when there’s a perfectly operational hamper right there in the bathroom...) you can count on your faith to keep you grounded in the fundamentals, help you to forgive the failures, and deepen your love for one another.

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Till then, Cheer!