THE ALLURE OF MODESTY

Men are drawn to female modesty despite our culture's bold declaration to the contrary. Most women can probably think of a time when their own modest behavior elicited a sense of awe from men in our otherwise leering, lewd society.

One such encounter stands out vividly in my mind. Raised to be a "lady," I had nonetheless lived the party lifestyle during my teenage-rebellion years and experienced the uglier side of male behavior. So imagine my surprise one day years later, after becoming a Christian, when I found myself having to pass by a group of young men in my street and met with...quiet respect. Their response floored me.
I remember distinctly that I was wearing a dress that day, modestly cut but attractive. As I approached the area and spotted the group of men, a feeling of dread washed over me and I whispered a prayer for protection, kept my head up, my eyes down, and passed by in total silence. It was as if someone cast a spell over the men, and the effect was palpable. Their noisy male jostling ceased, and as I walked by not one lewd remark or wolf whistle followed after me. Maybe you could chalk it up to the power of prayer that day, and I like to think God did play a part, but I can't help but think the transformation in me was partly responsible for the men's reaction. I now regarded myself as a lady, someone of value and worth in God's eyes, and I believe I emanated that to the world.
A story I read later on this subject still lingers in my memory. It goes thus:  " The pastor of the church I attended told how he and his wife had a stopover in Las Vegas on a trip out West. Needing to stay overnight, they booked a room in one of the large hotels that contained a casino on the first floor. My pastor described the scene: the crowded casino, a roomful of drinking men and women showing too much of their bodies. Passing through the crowd to the registration desk, he let his wife go before him and marveled at what happened. My pastor watched as, in this room filled with over-exposed women oozing sensuality, the other men parted like the Red Sea to allow his beautiful and modestly dressed wife pass to the registration desk--staring quietly after her the whole way. Suddenly, in that moment, the other women disappeared from view."
She was beautiful, yes, but it was more than that. She carried herself like a queen in the best sense of the word. Regal yet undemanding. Beautiful yet chaste. Feminine and alluring but not in the least bit outwardly sensual.
Yes, men are aroused by sultry women who flaunt their sensuality and their bodies as a form of power. They may be helplessly turned on by the many powerful sexual images our society throws out as bait. But the women they marry are usually the ones whose sensuality is much more hidden from view--there for the right man, but not on display for all the world to see.

Stopping the EPIDERMIC called Adultery

1. Set Standards before you are confronted with the Temptation: I always advise couples to talk about this together. Don't think that it can never happen to you or that your spouse is a super man. "1 Corinthians 10:12(KJV) -Wherefore let him that thinketh he standeth take heed lest he fall." Set clear standards together as a couple and also as an individual. Adultery is first a sin against God before it is an act of unfaithfulness to your spouse therefore even though your spouse will hurt when u fall into it, you are responsible for your own sins. Make a decision on how far your relationship with the opposite sex can go and how far it cannot go. Make sure you define every relationship you have with the opposite sex so that even the other person understands what the two of you are doing.
2. Practice regular "Flee": Avoid every situation that will make you prone to committing adultery either consciously or unconsciously. Running off to an opposite sex each time you have a quarrel with your spouse, staying late night alone with an opposite sex etc. As a married woman, be careful how you take compliments from a man especially when you are not getting enough from your spouse. Just like Joseph did not allow himself to be caught up with his master's wife. He FLED not because he was weak but because he understood that sin is not to be toyed with. "Proverbs 6:27-29(KJV) - Can a man take fire in his bosom, and his clothes not be burned? Can one go upon hot coals, and his feet not be burned? So he that goeth in to his neighbour's wife; whosoever toucheth her shall not be innocent."
3. Be Open and accountable to your spouse: Don't keep it to your self when you notice strange behaviours or unnecessary attentions from an opposite sex. When someone makes advances at you, don't feel like you can ward them off on your own. Let your spouse know the details of what you are doing with him or her. This will help keep you in check and trust me, it enhances your intimacy with your spouse. One of the reasons you have a partner is so that you don't have to fight battles alone. "Eccl.4:12(NIV) - Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken."
4. Be ruthless with temptation: To flirt or condone flirtation is a risky behaviour because I have come to understand that no one is beyond being tempted. There might be cases where you will have to be harsh or even resort to violence in other to loose your self from the cobweb of adultery. Fight it out if need be and shun all manner of flirtations around you. Let your friends and acquaintances know that you have limits and rules even when you are playing.
5. Guard Your Heart: Make a firm decision that you will never succumb to adultery. It all begins with the heart where the decision is made and then it manifests in the actions. Be careful what thoughts you entertain, what you read is very important too and what you listen to. What kind of friends do you keep? Do you keep friends whose values are direct opposite  of yours? "Prov. 4:23 - Keep thy heart with all diligence; for out of it are the issues of life." 

Christian Sex Rule

   When it comes to sex, most married Christians just do what works for them. If they have been blessed enough to have discovered something that brings satisfaction, pleasure, closeness, and climax, they most likely will continue that practice. However, some are plagued with guilt because they wonder if what they're doing is sinful.

Because there are some specific sexual behaviors that are forbidden in scriptures, this article will try to shed light on the most common sexual practices and how they relate to the word of God( the bible) and our christian life.

1. Fornication: This is sexual intimacy between two unmarried people. The bible expressly condemns this practice. "1 Thessalonians 4:3 - For this is the will of God, even your sanctification, that ye should abstain from fornication:"
2. Adultery: Sexual intimacy between a married person and anybody other than his/her spouse. It could be between two married persons who are married to other individuals or between a married person and an unmarried person. The Bible also expressly condemns this. 
   "Hebrews 13:4 - Marriage is honourable in all, and the bed undefiled: but whoremongers and adulterers God will judge."
3. Multiple Partners,Threesome, foursome etc: Sex is neither a spectator sport for group indulgence nor an event to test a person's ability to score with multiple partners. Casual sex as a way to prove one's prowess or with multiple partners simply violates all of God's intention for sexual experience. Apart from the fact that multiple partners can breed infidelity, create mistrust, performance anxiety, and comparison evaluations that are barriers to the deepest levels of intimacy. The bible talks about sex only for the husband and wife.
4. Masturbation: This is the excitation of the sexual organs by oneself, most often to the point of orgasm. This perhaps one of the most debated and least resolved sexual subjects in the church. Even though masturbation is a grey area in the bible which means that the word does not appear in the bible, one of the beauties of our faith is that God did not leave us alone when Jesus went back to heaven. He sent us the Holy Spirit to guide and help us in our christian walk and decisions. In my research on this subject , I have come across the works of several men and women - christians and non-christians alike but i have come to one conclusion which is that their arguments end lamely when placed side by side with Gods standard of holiness and purity. Masturbation is a sexual sin and should not be practiced by Christians. Like all sexual practices outside marriage, it is the defilement of one's body and spirit. Masturbation also violates Gods law of being self controlled. We have a full article coming up soon on Masturbation. See you them.
5. Homosexuality: Sexual intimacy between persons of the same sex. The bible say this practice is contrary to sound doctrine. "1 Timothy 1:10 - for the sexually immoral, for those practicing homosexuality, for slave traders and liars and perjurers—and for whatever else is contrary to the sound doctrine"(NIV), "Romans 1: 26-28 - For this cause God gave them up unto vile affections: for even their women did change the natural use into that which is against nature: ²⁷ And likewise also the men, leaving the natural use of the woman, burned in their lust one toward another; men with men working that which is unseemly, and receiving in themselves that recompence of their error which was meet.
   ²⁸ And even as they did not like to retain God in their knowledge, God gave them over to a reprobate mind, to do those things which are not convenient;"
6. Bestiality: A person having sexual relations with an animal. The Bible refers to this as pervasion or confusion. "Leviticus 18:23 - Neither shalt thou lie with any beast to defile thyself therewith: neither shall any woman stand before a beast to lie down thereto: it is confusion."
   
   
   
    

The Untold Truths About Sexual Purity

I saw this on the net and could not resist sharing. Please enjoy.....

The Untold Truths About Sexual Purity

Everybody talks about sex. The media promotes it through adverts. Some institution supports it as a means if abstinence cannot be done through the use of contraceptives. Sex now involves an activity that can be carried out between two or more persons. In recent times, discussions about sex usually raise an eyebrow among the discussant. No one would want to talk about his or her sexual life in the public because the act is sacred - private. Except for the morally loose people who are not shy to discuss their sex life, it is meant to be a sanctified act between only two people who are legally married as the Creator originally designed it.

Is having sex a crime? Why am I told to wait until I get married? God has his answer to the question and the devil also has his own explanation. This would bring us to the truths and lies about sex.

Lie #1: Rather than abstain you can indulge, just be faithful to one partner (Pre-marital Sex)

Truths: God has given each and every one of us the willpower to do and not to do. However, there is a provision of grace upon you when you set your mind not to indulge in sexual acts until marriage. Do you know the harm it brings is more than the pleasure derived? To a lady that engages in premarital sex, first, it may lead to unwanted pregnancy and if you think you are smart, you go for abortion, which is murder. Secondly, you may become victim of sexual transmitted diseases such as gonorrhea, staphylococcus, syphilis and other diseases; guys too are not spared. Guilt, shame and emotional bondage will creep into such life. Immediately after the act, the guy gets dissatisfied and starts looking for another avenue to explore making him to be looking for another bed mate (fornication). Are there any gains in premarital sex or abstinence? Count both cost.

Lie #2: If you don't want to practice premarital sex, try masturbation or use sex toys

 
Truths: Since the media are now encouraging the use of sex toys, it has become an eye opener for people as an alternative to having sex. Those who masturbate often become addicts to the act even when they are married. The females excite themselves with candles, vibrators and likewise the males with their fingers. These, in the long run become a spirit to battle with. They lose their loved ones as a result of the act. Damage to their sexual organs is inevitable. The females would have their womb damaged due to incessant use of the toys. There is lack of concentration as a result of the act in the minds of the perpetrator. The judgment of God is fierce upon on all whore mongers (Heb. 13:4b).

Lie #3: Don't think you are immortal; everybody is doing it, even...

Truths: When all the nations and languages of the earth, all bowed to the idol of Nebuchadnezzar, the three Hebrew boys; Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego did not compromise their faith in God (Dan. 3). In this generation, where it is believed that everybody is having sex, you can be among the millions who are not defying their bodies. They still choose to remain a chaste even when it is not encouraged, an old fashioned or seem impossible. The next sexually pure person can be you. Believe you can do it and God will give you the grace. It saves you from emotional trauma, heart breaks and evil soul ties. Do we still have people who have not bowed to the world's image of premarital sex? Make yourself available.

Lie #4: It is better to watch sex films or see explicit pictures (pornography) than to practice sex

 
Truth: Well, it may have sounded true if Christ had not told us that "Whosoever looks on a woman to lust after her has committed adultery with her already in his heart" (Matt. 5:28). One thing about what we feed our mind with is that they tend to pollute and corrupt our entire being. Watching sex films, would increase one's sexual urge to commit the act. Nothing motivates a person to have sex other than what he/she has programmed into the mind relating to sex. Pornographic materials usually get one's attention from focusing on productive things. It ruins marriages and breaks relationships. When you feed your mind with obscene items; the heart is corrupt.

Lie #5: You cannot be satisfied with a partner throughout your married life (Extramarital affairs)
Truth: "Marriage is honourable in all, and the bed undefiled, but whore mongers and adulterers will God judge" (Heb. 13:4). God will judge them because they have polluted their marital beds and altered His original plan for marriage when He instituted it. However, the bible told us that, "But godliness with contentment is great gain" (1 Tim. 6:6). There is nothing as good as deriving happiness with a wife that you exchanged marital vows with. When bundles of promises are made, dozens of fantasies are created and love is promised to be kept. How disastrous would it be if all these ends unfulfilled?

Extramarital affairs makes their children to have divided upbringing, single parenting and lack of parental care. They become divorced, separated and their homes become broken resulting from infidelity, adultery and lack of trust.

Lie #6: Since you are told not to have sex, kissing, petting, fondling, romancing, hugging, necking, smooching is not that bad

Truth: "Flee also youth lusts" and "abstain from all appearances of evil" (1 Tim. 2:22; 1 Thess. 5:22). All the aforementioned acts would gravitate towards sexual intercourse. The devil is so smart that when petting starts, before you know it, kissing suffice, fondling and smooching comes into play not too long, and however, romancing is not far from committing the act. There is no need to start a race that you cannot finish, neither is it good to embark on a journey that you are not ready for.

Lies are distorted or altered truths which lacks ingenuity. Many people have been lied to, living their lives in falsehood. This has daring consequences on their marriages and relationship. Do not allow anybody to deceive you by joining the band wagon of sexually loose people. Chastity can still be achieved in this corrupt world. Dare to be different. Sexual purity has no effect on your life and marriage. It is a culture that is worth embracing and can be achieved. Do not believe these lies. Seek to know the truth and the truth shall set you free from the consequences of ignorance.

Marriage Myths and Realities

A lot of people not having the right understanding of what marriage is supposed to be, end up with a lot of misconception about it. Belief in any of these myths surrounding marriage can give you an unrealistic expectations towards the relationship and disappointment is bound to set in when this happens. The truth is, there are no fairy tale marriages where you have the happily-ever-after endings. Successful marriages are  a product of hardwork.

Here are some of these common myths on marriage and the realities of the situation.

Myth No. 1: Marriage will end my loneliness

Reality: Many married people are still lonely infact some of them suffer from chronic loneliness. God did not design man to be complete in another man or himself but it is only in Christ that we (human beings) are complete! There is a difference between being lonely and being alone. Marriage solves the issue of being alone i.e. having a companion but there is a void in every man which nothing else can fill except God and the feeling of loneliness happens when this link between man and God is not intact.

Colosians 2:9-10(KJV): “For in him (Christ)dwelleth all the fulness of the God-head bodily. And you are complete in him, which is the head of all principality and power”

In other words, no man not even your spouse can take away the feeling of loneliness from you because they cannot take the place of God in your life. All you need to do is to accept Jesus as your Lord and Saviour and He will abide with you forever.

Myth No. 2: Marriage is a rite that everyone must perform

Reality: The truth is that marriage is only for those who have decided and are ready to make a commitment to and take responsibility for one another. For example, marriage is not for babies, but for the mature. Marriage is not for people who have not mastered self-control, neither is it for those who have no staying power to see a matter through to the end.

Myth No. 3: Infidelity only happen to bad or weak people

Reality: Infidelity can happen to any couple and you can only guard against it by putting some boundaries in place and staying diligent in the place of prayer. Anybody can be tempted especially when they are not observing the checks God have put in place to avoid such pitfalls. E.g. a couple that deny each other sexual intimacy for a long time due to quarel.

I Corinthians 7:3-5 “Let the husband render to the wife due benevolence: and likewise also the wife unto the husband. The wife hath not power over her own body but the husband: and likewise also the husband hath no power of his body, but the wife. Defraud ye not one another, except it be with consent for a time, that ye may give yourselves to fasting and prayer and come together again that Satan tempt you not for your incontinency. ”

My Husband Doesn't Want Sex

If your husband stops wanting to have sex with you, the first thing that usually goes through your mind is that he is having an affair. But there are a lot of reasons a husband could loose his sex drive beside having an affair. And it's happening more and more (or at least people are willing to admit it more). 

First, I believe that both men and women should yearn to make love since God created with sex drives. However, in general, men’s sex drives are more physically urgent. When they don’t get sexual release, their bodies will actually do it for them during the night periodically. And men are much more visually stimulated than women are. They are supposed to be aroused fairly easily, because it gives them an impetus to really pursue women.

Therefore, a man with a low or no sex drive is not healthy at all and is a sign that something is not going right.

Here are some reasons your husband may not want to have sex with you -- besides having an affair. 

1.  Hormonal issues (i.e Low testosterone levels): Believe it or not, this is pretty common. Experts seem to think it has something to do with our polluted environment. Not to mention that testosterone levels drop with age. Get your husband to check his. If he has low testosterone, he won’t desire sex as much. But low testosterone can also be caused by other physical problems, like diabetes or even some medication. The problem with this category is that because he doesn’t feel the need for sex, he likely isn’t upset about it, and so it can be difficult to get him to talk to a doctor about it. Low testosterone can also be caused by addictions to alcohol and drugs. The good thing is that this category is the easiest to fix–if you can get him to talk to a doctor.
    
2. He Feels less than a man: When a man is having issues with his self esteem and depression, if he isn’t sure of who he is, isn’t sure of his purpose, and isn’t sure of his role, he could easily have no sex drive.A man’s sex drive is all wrapped up in his concept of manhood. When he feels like a man, he’ll want to make love. But if he doesn’t feel like a man, he won’t. When your husband is having serious challenges with his career, may be loss of job or an overbearing boss, pressure from peers etc. As a wife you ought to be sensitive to know when he is in this kind of situation and he should always get assurance from you. Encourage him in every way possible so that he does not degenerate to depression.
   A husband who has very low motivation for anything, doesn’t get excited about much and isn’t very involved with his children all these and much more could be signs that something is going wrong with his self esteem.
   When you look at his life, you can see that he doesn’t seem to have a “will” to do anything. And if he is rarely affirmed in anything. He is rarely told that he is doing a good job at anything. And so he was never sure if any decisions he made, or any steps he took, were the right ones. So he simply stopped taking any. To anyone on the outside he just looks extremely lazy, there’s more going on there. He could be fundamentally scarred.
   A man can have his masculinity scarred in other ways, too. The root to his scars lie in his family of origin; but even within a marriage he could not feel like a man. Please watch how you talk to your husband. So many women constantly pick at their husbands, constantly correct their husbands, and I don’t even know if they realize they’re doing it. Make sure that most of the things that come out of your mouth about your husband or to your husband it is positive. Even if you’re talking about resolving some conflict, do it in a positive way. Do not browbeat your husband.
   Also, if you’ve had an affair in the past, or even if you were sexually active before marriage, your husband may feel that he can’t measure up. And that can cause some men to stop being able to perform, because they’re nervous. Finally, if you spent years in the marriage withholding sex from your husband, he can shut down. If you’ve now decided that you want to change and you want to make love again, he may have a very difficult time making that adjustment.
   
3. He is nervous about his performance:Finally, there’s a category that’s a combination of #1 and #2. Let’s say that a man is nervous about the relationship and nervous about whether or not you really love him. One night you make love, and he can’t keep his erection. A week later it happens again. He was already feeling nervous; he was already feeling slightly humiliated within the relationship. Then erectile dysfunction hits, or perhaps premature ejaculation, and it becomes too much to bear, and he shuts down. Or perhaps it wasn’t the relationship that was causing him to question his manhood; maybe it was his ability to earn a living. When a guy is unemployed, or feels like he can’t support the family, he already feels like he’s not a man. If he then can’t make love, it can become a vicious spiral, where he’s afraid of trying again because he doesn’t want to fail, so he just shuts off.
   And then the wife feel humiliated. They feel as if they must be freaks, because everywhere else in our media it says that men are desperate for sex. Why don’t their husbands want them?
   The message that I want you to take from this is that it likely has little to do with you. If your husband doesn’t want to make love, it’s often an issue within him, or within how he experiences the relationship, far more than it is an issue about whether or not you are desirable.
   Know that you are not alone, and know that it is becoming a problem that is increasingly more common. Hang in there!
   
4. Something else has got his attention:The category that is rising the most right now are men who are not interested in sex within marriage because they’re getting release elsewhere, especially with pornography. A man who is using porn will slowly find that it consumes more and more of his life, and more and more of his sexual energy. Porn rewires your brain to tell you that what is arousing is a picture or an image, not a real, flesh and blood person. And you often need more and more porn and more extreme porn to give you the same high that you felt when you started using it.
   When men use porn, in general they masturbate as well. And so it becomes quite likely that eventually they will stop desiring their wives in the same way. That’s why the idea that porn can be exciting in a marriage is so off base. Porn steals the natural desire you have for each other, so that you stop desiring each other. Sure, you may get aroused by the porn and then act it out with each other, but that’s not really making love anymore. The source of the desire was the image in the porn, not the person you made love to, and you’re still thinking about that image while you’re with your spouse.
   
   Now, it’s not just men who use porn; a lot of women are into porn as well. But an overwhelming majority of men had sought out porn, and it is hurting many marriages.
   If your husband has a really low interest in sex, and you can’t figure out a reason for it, verify that he isn’t watching porn. Check his computer and his phone, and have a talk with him about it. 
   If you’re in this situation, what specifically would you like to know? And do these categories resonate with you?
   Drop your comments and lets share. (Anonymous comments are also welcome)