My Husband Doesn't Want Sex

If your husband stops wanting to have sex with you, the first thing that usually goes through your mind is that he is having an affair. But there are a lot of reasons a husband could loose his sex drive beside having an affair. And it's happening more and more (or at least people are willing to admit it more). 

First, I believe that both men and women should yearn to make love since God created with sex drives. However, in general, men’s sex drives are more physically urgent. When they don’t get sexual release, their bodies will actually do it for them during the night periodically. And men are much more visually stimulated than women are. They are supposed to be aroused fairly easily, because it gives them an impetus to really pursue women.

Therefore, a man with a low or no sex drive is not healthy at all and is a sign that something is not going right.

Here are some reasons your husband may not want to have sex with you -- besides having an affair. 

1.  Hormonal issues (i.e Low testosterone levels): Believe it or not, this is pretty common. Experts seem to think it has something to do with our polluted environment. Not to mention that testosterone levels drop with age. Get your husband to check his. If he has low testosterone, he won’t desire sex as much. But low testosterone can also be caused by other physical problems, like diabetes or even some medication. The problem with this category is that because he doesn’t feel the need for sex, he likely isn’t upset about it, and so it can be difficult to get him to talk to a doctor about it. Low testosterone can also be caused by addictions to alcohol and drugs. The good thing is that this category is the easiest to fix–if you can get him to talk to a doctor.
    
2. He Feels less than a man: When a man is having issues with his self esteem and depression, if he isn’t sure of who he is, isn’t sure of his purpose, and isn’t sure of his role, he could easily have no sex drive.A man’s sex drive is all wrapped up in his concept of manhood. When he feels like a man, he’ll want to make love. But if he doesn’t feel like a man, he won’t. When your husband is having serious challenges with his career, may be loss of job or an overbearing boss, pressure from peers etc. As a wife you ought to be sensitive to know when he is in this kind of situation and he should always get assurance from you. Encourage him in every way possible so that he does not degenerate to depression.
   A husband who has very low motivation for anything, doesn’t get excited about much and isn’t very involved with his children all these and much more could be signs that something is going wrong with his self esteem.
   When you look at his life, you can see that he doesn’t seem to have a “will” to do anything. And if he is rarely affirmed in anything. He is rarely told that he is doing a good job at anything. And so he was never sure if any decisions he made, or any steps he took, were the right ones. So he simply stopped taking any. To anyone on the outside he just looks extremely lazy, there’s more going on there. He could be fundamentally scarred.
   A man can have his masculinity scarred in other ways, too. The root to his scars lie in his family of origin; but even within a marriage he could not feel like a man. Please watch how you talk to your husband. So many women constantly pick at their husbands, constantly correct their husbands, and I don’t even know if they realize they’re doing it. Make sure that most of the things that come out of your mouth about your husband or to your husband it is positive. Even if you’re talking about resolving some conflict, do it in a positive way. Do not browbeat your husband.
   Also, if you’ve had an affair in the past, or even if you were sexually active before marriage, your husband may feel that he can’t measure up. And that can cause some men to stop being able to perform, because they’re nervous. Finally, if you spent years in the marriage withholding sex from your husband, he can shut down. If you’ve now decided that you want to change and you want to make love again, he may have a very difficult time making that adjustment.
   
3. He is nervous about his performance:Finally, there’s a category that’s a combination of #1 and #2. Let’s say that a man is nervous about the relationship and nervous about whether or not you really love him. One night you make love, and he can’t keep his erection. A week later it happens again. He was already feeling nervous; he was already feeling slightly humiliated within the relationship. Then erectile dysfunction hits, or perhaps premature ejaculation, and it becomes too much to bear, and he shuts down. Or perhaps it wasn’t the relationship that was causing him to question his manhood; maybe it was his ability to earn a living. When a guy is unemployed, or feels like he can’t support the family, he already feels like he’s not a man. If he then can’t make love, it can become a vicious spiral, where he’s afraid of trying again because he doesn’t want to fail, so he just shuts off.
   And then the wife feel humiliated. They feel as if they must be freaks, because everywhere else in our media it says that men are desperate for sex. Why don’t their husbands want them?
   The message that I want you to take from this is that it likely has little to do with you. If your husband doesn’t want to make love, it’s often an issue within him, or within how he experiences the relationship, far more than it is an issue about whether or not you are desirable.
   Know that you are not alone, and know that it is becoming a problem that is increasingly more common. Hang in there!
   
4. Something else has got his attention:The category that is rising the most right now are men who are not interested in sex within marriage because they’re getting release elsewhere, especially with pornography. A man who is using porn will slowly find that it consumes more and more of his life, and more and more of his sexual energy. Porn rewires your brain to tell you that what is arousing is a picture or an image, not a real, flesh and blood person. And you often need more and more porn and more extreme porn to give you the same high that you felt when you started using it.
   When men use porn, in general they masturbate as well. And so it becomes quite likely that eventually they will stop desiring their wives in the same way. That’s why the idea that porn can be exciting in a marriage is so off base. Porn steals the natural desire you have for each other, so that you stop desiring each other. Sure, you may get aroused by the porn and then act it out with each other, but that’s not really making love anymore. The source of the desire was the image in the porn, not the person you made love to, and you’re still thinking about that image while you’re with your spouse.
   
   Now, it’s not just men who use porn; a lot of women are into porn as well. But an overwhelming majority of men had sought out porn, and it is hurting many marriages.
   If your husband has a really low interest in sex, and you can’t figure out a reason for it, verify that he isn’t watching porn. Check his computer and his phone, and have a talk with him about it. 
   If you’re in this situation, what specifically would you like to know? And do these categories resonate with you?
   Drop your comments and lets share. (Anonymous comments are also welcome)