Monday, December 16, 2013

10 Sex Secrets Every husband wishes his Wife knew


Sex secrets?? Well, some things may be secrets and other things may be reminders....but there are some sexuality-related issues that still seem to surprise many women. 


A lot of the problems that arise in a couple’s sex life, start with a lack of communication or understanding on both sides, on how a man and woman view sex in totally different ways. Finding and understanding those differences are the first step to having and maintaining healthy, passionate, and incredibly fulfilling sex life.
Ok, I realize all husbands are different, and some prefer some things over others, but overall, I feel that there are a lot of wives out there who REALLY WANT to make their sex life with their husband what God intended it to be, GREAT. And don't you go like: how does she know? Is she a man to address this kind of issue? This entire article is based on experience and some frank talk with my husband and some male friends so all may not apply to your husband but you are sure to find out that at least 70%-80% of these apply to him.
 
Make sense so far?
Ok, if you’re ready, here are 10 Sex secrets (in no particular order) that husbands wish their wives knew:

1. He doesn't want to always be the one to initiate sex
Men are particularly excited by women initiating sex because this make them feel desirable and also relieves them of the traditional male responsibility of making sexual overtures and decisions.
While some women hesitate to initiate sex play because they want to chased or play hard to get,
most men really struggle with questions like, “Am I good enough?”, or “Does she really love me?”. What they want to know, more than anything, is that we think they are the best.
It’s not really so surprising. Remember all the marriage-seminars talking about how important respect is to a guy? Even more important than love? A man needs to feel like we are glad we married him not because we love him, but because we’ve looked around, and we’ve honestly concluded that he is the perfect one for us. We appreciate who he is and what he does - Tied up in all of that is his sexuality.
  
"It’s hard for him to believe that you’re proud of him, and that you’re happy to be married to him, if you don’t also want him sexually–if you never initiate sex."


It’s men’s ultimate self-esteem issue. And the best way to address it is if we, every now and then, actually initiate. Try and initiate sex at least one or two of the last five times you make love.
That may be the last thing you want to do, for a host of reasons. You may be tired. You may be angry at him because he doesn’t really pay attention to you, so why should you pay attention to him? You may be tired of sex because it just doesn’t work well for you, and he gets all the fun. Read here to see how you can get in the mood quickly and click here to see how you can thoroughly enjoy it.

2. Sex is not optional in his mind
To a husband, sex is bout right up there on the list with eating and breathing. Can he survive without it? Yes, but it's not fun at all. Sex is to the man, what talking/communication is to the woman. If you would ask several wives if it would be ok if their husband didn't listen to them or communicate with them for weeks at a time - wee, you get the idea. Frequent sex = happy, attentive, listening, cuddling, caring, talking husband. In fact, frequent hot sex is the surest way to endear your self to him.

3. Men need foreplay too

I remember reading an article once where a man was saying that: "My wife thinks that if I'm not instantly ready to have sex that means I don't find her attractive. But I do! It's just that I need some kissing and touching, too."  Sex expert Dr. Bernie Zilbergeld has said that "when it turns out that men aren't always ready, women worry about their attractiveness and men their virility."
And some men feel a bit cheated if foreplay is brief or absent.  "It makes me feel special and loved when my wife touches me, strokes me, looks at my naked body with approval, love and downright lust," another male told me. "I want this. I savor it when it happens. But it's difficult for me to ask for this.  I love it when she just...well, falls on me and has her way with me."


4. He wants sexual adventure sometimes  
I’ve gotten the question from husbands “how do I get my wife to be a little more adventurous with sex? (especially different positions, etc)” Here’s what I understand - there are 3 basic “kinds” of sex for a guy. There’s what we like to call the “normal” or “go to” sex (mostly in the bedroom, consisting of what we know always works, and satisfies both parties), there’s “Quickie sex” (a quick but passionate encounter that provides release when a longer session isn’t realistic at the time), and there’s “out of the ordinary” or “adventurous” sex (something he always makes reference to (in the bath, outside the bedroom, etc), or learning a different technique or position that may be out of the “normal sexual menu” for the couple). This is usually a tough one for wives to understand, because I think for the most part I think we women approach sex with a “I like to stick to what works, and what is comfortable” , where a guy’s attitude may be more “I like normal most of the time, but sometimes I want to make it exciting and try new places”. While I’m not suggesting you go make love in the city park or your car bonnet, what I am saying is to try to understand where your husband is coming from. He sometimes sees sex as an adventure that you both are going on together. He wants you to be excited/thrilled to be on this adventure with him. Even if it’s not exactly what you would have fantasized, you will have just made your husband’s day, and maybe even year. He’ll be talking to you about “the way you gave it to me that day and in that place” for years to come!



5. Sometimes he just wants to look at you naked
I have read article on ladies who do not allow their husband see them naked for differnet reasons  and I can already see you rolling your eyes, but hear me out. If your husband is working hard to avert his eyes from every other sexual source besides his wife, not viewing any porn, not flirting with the girl the office, etc - he has a God-given need/desire/appetite to admire his wife’s naked body. I know this may seem strange to you, but it’s true. So, when you’re getting dressed in the morning, or ready for bed at night, don’t try to position yourself so he can’t see those parts of you. Yes you may be thinking: he’s going to attack you and want to have sex but as long as you have a regular sex life, he just wants to appreciate your beauty for a little bit! Remember, you are his only sexual source! Wouldn’t you rather have him looking at you, then some porn model? Some reasons wives give for not allowing their husbands see them naked is that they are scared if they allow their husbands to see them nude, they will want to have sex right that minute. If it’s been a week since you’ve made love, this may be true, but if you have sex regularly, sometimes it’s nice for him to just be able to admire what he thinks is the most amazing body he has ever seen. So linger a little while when you bend over to pick up your socks off the floor, or let your robe “accidentally” fall open a little when he walks by. Not only will he love it, but you just might find yourself thinking about sex a little more during the day, leading to a greater chance of you desiring intimacy later that night.


6. He thinks you’re GORGEOUS, and you can’t change that 
 It doesn’t matter how you feel about that left over baby fat, or how you cringe when you look in the mirror and see those stretch marks – your husband couldn’t care less! He thinks you’re the most beautiful woman on the face of the earth, and even when he tells you this, you dismiss it, and say stuff like “thanks hon, but I don’t think so”, or “well, you may feel that way, but nobody else does”. Please don’t do this! Your husband isn’t trying to “put you on” by telling your he thinks your body is amazing - he truly thinks it is! And of course even when he says he enjoyed you please just learn to accept the compliment as him being honest, and say thank you, instead of trying to play it off. 

7. He Like you to Flirt with him sexually
 Whether it’s the “for his eyes only” sms you send him during the day, suggesting what you’re going to do later, or the surprise little “smooching” you give him while he’s busy at something else, flirting with your husband this way let’s him know you desire him, and are thinking about the next time you are going to be together. Little things like wearing a "for his eyes only" skimpy skirt when you two are alone (there’s something about a skirt that drives most husbands wild) with some sexy underwear underneath, go a long way in letting your husband know that you love being his only source of sexual attention, and get a kick out of keeping him guessing with what you’re going to come up with next. I know it’s easy to go into “mommy mode” and just wear what’s comfortable/practical, but when you remember, it drives your husband wild if you give him a little “eye candy” when possible.

8. He loves sexual surprises 
 By this I mean do something totally out of the ordinary, just for his benefit, and to see the look on his face. A few examples would be: whisper in his ear when he is helping you out “You won’t have to take my pants off later because I’m not wearing any” or surprise him when he is taking a shower by jumping in the shower with him that “you’re having a hard time using your hands this morning, so he is going to have to help soap you up today.” Another one would when he is watching a movie in the night and you are ready to go to bed, get all naked right in the bed room and call for him to please help call out desperately and then grab him. Just find out what works on him and I bet you will love to see the look on his face when you surprise him like that. You’ll have your husband wondering what’s gotten into you!



  9. He loves to see you turned on and loves to watch you Climax
There is nothing quite as sexy to a husband, as seeing his wife thoroughly turned on, and enjoying sex. In the same way, there’s nothing quite as discouraging to a husband, as you laying there with an almost bored look on your face, and with the attitude of “would you just get it over with please, so I can go to sleep”. To your husband, his ability to arouse, stimulate, tease, drive you crazy with desire, and help you climax, is a huge part of what he feels his “worth” is as a husband. If he feels like he is failing in bed, he is going to be discouraged in other areas of life too. In contrast, if he feels his wife thinks he’s amazing in the bedroom, he is going to be much more confident and have a “I can conquer the world” attitude. You can help this by showing and telling him (not in a faking it way) how much he turns you on, or makes you feel good, as you’re making love. Obviously he’s not going to do everything right, but make sure you let him know when he DOES hit the right spot, or do something you find particularly hot. Now I’ve heard wives ask the question “but what about the times that I’m not really into it, but am doing it because I love my husband, and know he needs it tonight?” Husbands understand you’re not going to have the same drive for sex that he has every time. He gets that. All he’s hoping for when this is the case, and you’re just giving him a “quickie” for release, is to not make him feel like he’s annoying for wanting it, or that he interrupting your day and you have so many other things you could be doing. He needs feel accepted by you, even when you’re not particularly into it this time. Smile and give him that “come here baby, I know you need it and I’m here for you” attitude. Whispering a little encouragement in his ear in the process is a huge bonus too. 

10. If you have to say "no" to sex, watch how you say it
 I know it seems silly, but you have no idea how hard it is sometimes, for a man to get up the nerve to ask his wife if she wants to have sex. Usually he will try to “test the waters” first, by hinting at it, or maybe a little grab here and there, to see how you’ll respond. All this time there is a little argument going on in his head sounding something like this - “Just ask her! No, last time I asked her flat-out, she rolled her eyes and said something about that’s all I think about. Yeah, but this time it might work. Come on, I really want to make love. Can’t she see that? Maybe I’ll ask her later after dinner. Yeah, I’ll help with the kids and the dishes, and then ask later. (fast forward to 7pm) Ok, see, I got the dishes done, maybe I should hint at it now. Nah, I’ll wait until the kids go to bed. As soon as the kids go to bed, she’ll be able to think about me. She has to know it’s been a couple of days, I’m sure she’ll be ok with it. Right? (The kids go to bed) Ok, I think I’ll ask now! Wait, she looks like she’s got something going there on the computer, I’ll give her some time to get that done. I’ll just ask her when we go to bed, it will be more of a sure bet then anyway. (10pm rolls around, and they’re crawling into bed) Ok, I’m going to ask! I am sure you are laughing so hard now just as I am but this is how it goes in a guy’s head when he’s thinking about asking for sex. Why? Because guys have this strange tendency to make sexual rejection (even with a good reason), a personal rejection. Since the need for regular sex with his wife is so much a part of who he is, any rejection of that need, feels like a rejection of HIM to your husband. I know this is hard to understand, and as wives we usually don’t mean it that way, but this goes for almost every husband I have ever talked to. Now obviously there are times when you are going to have to say “not tonight baby”, but the key is HOW YOU SAY IT. Don’t do it in a nonchalant or dismissing way. Remember, he has been working up the nerve to ask you for the past several hours most times. When you deny him, say something like this – “Hon, I love to have sex with you, but I just can’t do it tonight because (fill in the blank)” Then if he’s really pent-up, you could offer to help him out in another way besides intercourse, or give him a realistic date to “get a rain check”, like tomorrow morning, or the next evening. That way he feels like you understand he has a legitimate need, he feels like you care, and he feels like you want to help him as soon as possible. You’re still saying “not tonight”, but he doesn’t feel like you don’t care, you’re just blowing him off, or that you think sex is not important. One other thing – sometimes if your husband has been thinking about you all day, and then for whatever reason, you have to turn him down that night, he may feel like he “can’t wait” until tomorrow (no fault of yours , sometimes it’s just hard to turn it off, after it’s on). If you roll over and offer him your help to get a quick release before you go to sleep, he will sleep much better, and you’ll be a hero in your husband’s eyes. You just showed him that you care, even if you can’t offer him sex right now. I can’t understate how much this will mean to him.

Whew! You made it through the long Post!
If you as a wife can make it a priority to do some of this stuff on even a semi-regular basis, your husband will be willing to conquer the world for you, and will be more than willing to be there for you emotionally, be strangely communicative, and you will feel closer to him than you would ever believe. 

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