Day Eight: Planting Faithfulness
Faithfulness is a wonderful but rare
quality today, especially in regard to marriage. Contemporary culture often
entices men to be unfaithful to their wedding vows and spiritual commitments.
Consider the ways your husband
displays faithfulness—how he is loyal to you, how he honors the Lord, how he
continues on in his work and ministry. Begin to praise him for being faithful
and praise God for helping him to remain true to his commitments.
This area will be difficult for you
if your husband is prone to break his word or act unfaithfully toward you. Know
that the Lord is near the brokenhearted, sustaining you in whatever pain you’ve
experienced. Be sure to seek counsel from a mature, godly individual or couple
who can help you respond biblically. Pray, speak the truth in love, remain
faithful yourself, and discover ways to encourage faithfulness in your mate.
The Bible says that husbands “may be won without a word by the conduct of their
wives” (1 Pet. 3:1).
Whatever your circumstance, your
challenge is to root out all negative speaking toward your husband and plant
seeds of encouragement instead. You may be amazed at what will grow!
Action Step: Plant Seeds of
Faithfulness
Plant seeds of faithfulness into
your husband’s heart by praising his integrity and loyal actions. Write him a
note expressing how much it means to you that he has honored his marriage vow.
A Wife’s Prayer
Lord Jesus, cultivate within my
husband a faithful heart, one that longs to beat with integrity and flow with
sacrificial love. Show me how I can plant seeds of faithfulness through my
actions and attitudes toward my husband, and help me to wait on Your harvest in
his heart.
Day Nine: Take Time to Listen
Be quick to hear, slow to speak. —James 1:19
We are often so busy speaking that
we don’t take time to listen. We are so quick to offer a comment—negative or
positive—that we don’t really hear our husband’s heart. Remember, we have two
ears and only one mouth. We need to listen more!
As you continue in your 30-day challenge,
not speaking negatively and focusing on positive encouragement, hear the Lord’s
admonition today: “Be quick to hear.”
If listening is a real problem for
you, play a game with yourself. See if you can listen to your husband for one
whole day, only speaking when asked a question. If your husband notices the
difference, explain that you are learning to listen more—not only to God, but
also to him.
Action Step: Learn something new.
One easy way to give focused
attention to your husband is to ask a question about something he enjoys and
then listen to his response. If it’s an area of personal familiarity, keep
asking questions until you learn something you didn’t know, then tell him,
“Wow, I didn’t know that!”
A Wife’s Prayer
Lord Jesus, open my ears to
hear—truly hear—my husband. Teach me to patiently pursue his heart by asking
probing questions. Awaken my curiosity for all the unspoken things hidden as
treasure in his heart and soul. Help me to honor what he shares with me and
never use it as ammunition against him.
Day Ten: Remember: You Chose Him
Behold, you are beautiful, my
beloved, truly delightful. —Song of Songs 1:16
We all crave appreciation. We want
to know that we are valued and loved, pursued and special. When’s the last time
you remembered everything you admire about your husband? Early love letters
probably reflected that admiration! But if we’re not careful to verbalize our
admiration, our spouse will forget why we were drawn to him.
And when we spend time criticizing
our husbands, we lose time that could be spent admiring and remembering why we
chose that person in the first place! As you consider various ways to encourage
your husband, ask, “How can I admire him?”
Action Step: Count the ways you love
him—then tell him.
Does your husband know that you
think he is attractive? What was one of the characteristics in your husband
that first drew you to him? Was it a physical characteristic or something else?
Was it his gentle, compassionate eyes? Kindness or concern for others? An
easygoing confidence? A steadiness that comes from trusting in the Lord?
Strength of character in a culture that lacks integrity? Do you see at least a
glimpse of that characteristic in him today? Whatever it is, tell him! If you
still have any of your old love letters, re-read them for clues to deepen your
current level of appreciation for your spouse.
A Wife’s Prayer
Lord Jesus, I confess that it is
often easier to criticize than admire. Please forgive my critical spirit and
free me to remember all the things that nudged me to choose my husband in the
first place. Remind me of things I’ve forgotten, and even point out things I’ve
been blind to. Loosen my tongue to speak words of admiration and renew in me a
deep, passionate love for my husband.
Day Eleven: The Power of Respect
Wives, submit to your own husbands,
as to the Lord. —Ephesians 5:22
Women who are constantly negative
toward their husbands—especially by speaking evil of them to others—show great
disrespect. Determine not to do that today (or ever!). This challenge to
encourage is closely connected to submission.
Men respond to women who respect
them. What do you respect about your husband? Is it his ability to plan, lead,
show mercy, mediate peace, or delegate? Does he keep things organized or invest
in others? If you feel there is nothing to respect, search harder . . . nearly
every man has some core characteristic that can be nurtured and respected. In
any case, you must still cultivate a submissive spirit to his position of
leadership “as to the Lord.” Part of showing respect includes submission to his
authority: “For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head
of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior” (Eph. 5:23).
Action Step: Demonstrate respect.
Show your respect in public by
listening to him and smiling at him when he speaks. Place your hand in his as
you walk together. Seek his opinion on decisions you need to make or
conversations you need to have with others. Tell him that you need his support,
insight, care, and love.
A Wife’s Prayer
Heavenly Father, I have had trouble
in the past respecting my husband. Forgive me for the ways I have not honored
the marriage structure you created. Help me, Lord, Jesus, to grow in respect
and to practice showing respect so that our marriage is a vibrant picture of
Your relationship with Your Bride, the Church.
Day Twelve: Heart Check
With all humility and gentleness,
with patience, bearing with one another in love. —Ephesians 4:2
Part of the difficulty you may face
as you continue in this 30-day challenge to encourage your husband is that you
really are struggling to find positive things to praise. Perhaps the problem is
not with your husband. Have you checked your own heart?
Sometimes we get disillusioned
because of our own unreasonable or unrealistic expectations (Pro. 13:12). It
may not be that our mates are doing something wrong; it’s simply that we expect
too much in some areas.
Our expectations must be met in God
alone, and then we will have the right perspective to ask God for the healing
and grace we need to respond to others.
Action Step: Release him from overly
demanding expectations.
Spend time in prayer, asking the
Spirit to search you and know your heart for any unreasonable or unrealistic
expectations you are holding over your husband. Today, try to look at your
husband through eyes of grace. Verbally thank your husband for what he is
already doing, and release him from any overly demanding expectations the Lord
has shown you.
A Wife’s Prayer
Lord Jesus, search my heart for any
ways I’ve been expecting too much from my husband. Help me to come to You with
my unmet needs; teach me to not hold my husband’s failings against him. Soften
my heart so that Your grace is at work.
Day Thirteen: Don’t Settle for a
Passionless Marriage
I am my beloved’s, and his desire is
for me. —Song of Songs 7:10
If you were to describe your sexual
relationship, would it you say it’s passionless or passionate?
The health of your sexual relationship is one of those determining
elements—along with money and children—that can make or break a marriage. Many
women struggle with the sexual component in their marriage, settling for
passionless. But God intended marital intimacy to be a vibrant and regular
expression of love.
Let’s get practical here. Is your
husband a good lover? Have you told him so? Be specific. Let him know when he
pleases you. Most husbands genuinely want to please their wives, especially in
this important area of marriage. Realize that your husband wants intimacy with
you . . . his desire is toward you.
There are many common areas of
struggle that women face. For example, in moments of intimacy, do you find your
mind wandering? This can change as you focus on something wonderful about your
husband. Many women have exacerbated their sexual struggles through
negative comments. Negativity destroys intimacy, but encouragement builds and
strengthens the marriage bond. Wherever your marriage falls on the passion
scale today, seek God’s help for growing the passion in this all-important
area.
Action Step: Show some passion.
Does this area of your marriage need
some work? Remember that this is a sensitive area for men. Be sure to encourage
his lovemaking and masculinity in positive ways. Demonstrate that your desire
is for your husband and that you want to spend time with him.
A Wife’s Prayer
Lord Jesus, no matter how I have
struggled in the past, I don’t want to settle for a passionless marriage. Make
me healthy and whole in this area; free me from wrong thinking and release in
me a great desire for my husband.
Day Fourteen: A Man of Integrity
Every week there are news reports
about men who gave in to temptations and compromised what they said they
believed. We hear countless reports about dishonest business dealings, hidden
infidelity, and hypocritical leaders. It’s so easy to focus on these things and
ignore those who are being honest, faithful, and genuine. As you continue in
the 30-Day Husband Encouragement Challenge, determine to look for ways that
your husband stands against the culture.
Is your spouse a man of integrity?
Is he fair in his dealings with people? Does he understand the meaning of
justice? Is he honest in business? Genuine in his faith? Consider all the ways
a man can live in integrity, and praise your husband for one of them.
Action Step: Strengthen the hedges
in his heart.
Pray regularly for your husband’s
sense of integrity, that he would be sensitive to the Spirit in all his ways.
As you have the opportunity—as it is appropriate—share examples of your
husband’s honesty and integrity with others. Your prayers and compliments will
serve to strengthen the hedges of morality he has in his heart.
A Wife’s Prayer
Heavenly Father, would You make my husband’s
heart more sensitive to Your Spirit? Let him be aware of weak spots in the
hedges around his heart. Show him how to walk in integrity by fortifying his
resolve through prayer, accountability, and right choices. Protect him from
evil. Show me how to praise him and encourage him to stay strong in his actions
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